My Little One
by mrscarstairs
Summary: A month before the events of Clockwork Princess, Tessa is violently reminded of that which makes her different from a normal woman.


**A/N: Hello! I decided to shake things up a bit, and wrote a fic that takes place _before_ Clockwork Princess. In my mind it's about a month before CP2 begins. It's a Jessa fic, but I hope that even those who prefer Wessa will enjoy it. **

**And for those of you waiting on me to update Shadow Self, I apologize greatly. I will be updating it soon, I promise, and I am sorry to those who are waiting! Life has got me running around a lot more than usual!**

**Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing but the plot I created for this fic. All characters, etc. belong to Cassandra Clare and other respectful owners.**

**Enjoy you guys!**

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If the skies could speak that night, they would send messages to the world around, with a voice that echoed the cries of a new mother, as blood stained the London streets.

Tessa did not expect to find the young woman unconscious in the room adjacent to her own that night, nor did she anticipate what that lady would have cradled in her arms when she arrived at the Institute. Tessa entered the room, instructed by Charlotte to deliver a salve while Sophie prepared some cool cloths and a pitcher of water for their guest. From what little information they could gather, Charlotte had told Tessa that Will and Jem had discovered the woman in an alleyway roughly three miles from the Institute, drenched in her own blood and clutching a small child in her arms with an iron-tight grip. She was a Shadowhunter, Tessa could tell that much from the intricate lacework of runes that decorated her arms and neck.

She had not woken since Will had carried her to the room, and Tessa could not help but feel fear and sympathy on behalf of this new mother, whose arms were wrapped around herself as if she still had her baby lying against her chest. The child had been moved and both he and his mother were healed by the Silent Brothers, however Charlotte was still insisting that they keep a close eye on both of their guests. Just as Tessa moved to place the salve on the table next to the bed, she was shocked to feel a hand press against her arm.

"Where is my child?" a voice asked, small and weak. Tessa turned to find a set of bright blue eyes staring up at her, belonging to the Shadowhunter mother. "Where is my baby boy? Please, tell me he is all right."

Tessa smiled and settled herself into an armchair, placing her hand against the mother's reassuringly. "He is fine. We moved him to Jem's room after we found out that he only stops crying when he hears violin music."

The mother's gaze narrowed. "Jem? Violin music?" she whispered, attempting to raise herself up onto her elbows. She winced, and Tessa moved instinctively to help her, assessing the wounds to her chest which had been bandaged up and had ceased bleeding an hour earlier.

Tessa nodded. "Jem Carstairs is one of the Shadowhunters here, and he is a brilliant musician. When he played his violin earlier tonight, your son stopped crying and fell straight to sleep. So Charlotte Branwell decided to move him to Jem's room for the rest of the night."

"How nice." The mother took a deep breath and placed her head in her hands, her eyes shut tight as if thinking through something dearly important. "I suppose I should explain what has happened. My name is Christina Trueblood, and I am from the Institute in Cornwall. Charlotte sent me a message, asking for help in finding Axel Mortmain, and I was on my way here to London when a pack of clockwork creatures attacked my carriage and almost killed me and my son." Christina absently fingered the bandages around her abdomen. "I was positive we would both die there in the alley, but I was rescued by two beautiful young men, who carried me here. I thought they were angels come to take me to Heaven."

_She means Will and Jem_, Tessa realized fondly. It made sense that in her delirious state, this young woman would believe them to be angels. Will's deep blue eyes and Jem's silver pallor were both otherworldly, in Tessa's opinion. She was not surprised to hear this bit of information from the mother.

"Please go to my child, miss," Christina said, falling back against the pillows. "Make sure he is truly all right, and then come back to me. I will be fine for now."

Tessa stood and made her way to the door, smoothing out her nightgown. "Of course," she agreed, reaching for the doorknob. "Ring for Sophie if you require anything else."

Since Christina's room was directly adjacent to Tessa's, it was also right across from Jem's, and Tessa could hear the gentle strains of the violin as she closed Christina's door behind her. Padding quietly across the halls so as not to disturb him, Tessa eased Jem's own door open with a gentle shove of her hand. She peered in and a grin formed quickly on her face at the sight of the silver-eyed boy with his instrument poised on his shoulder. Tessa watched as he played a few more notes of melodious music before lowering the violin, and she realized belatedly that he was humming the same tune as well. When she glanced about the bedroom, bathed in moonlight, she was not shocked to find a small cradle that Henry must have crafted a few hours ago, and that sleeping inside of it was a small child.

Jem tucked his violin into its case and closed the latches, still humming faintly. Tessa's eyes widened when his quiet hums transitioned into a small whisper, and she recognized that he was singing in a very soft voice, almost too soft to hear with her standing in the doorway. She could tell it was a lullaby, and in Chinese. His voice raised a little louder until she could hear him easily, and Tessa grinned when she saw him lean over the cradle and sing to the child, his hand brushing the baby boy's face. He had a beautiful voice, understandable considering the musical talent he already possessed. The foreign words he sang lifted and floated around the child like the waves of an ocean. Darkness and moonlight worked together to caress the two beings in the room, and Tessa felt tears staining her cheeks at the thought that Jem would never be a father, that he would never have the chance to sing that lullaby to his own son or daughter. Even if he was not dying of the demonic drug that pumped through his veins, it would not matter, seeing as Tessa could not bear children.

_He will never have this, and he will never raise a family of his own, and all because of me._

Tessa felt her throat close up and she choked on her tears, feeling an anger so profound she nearly stumbled into the wall. She hated herself right then more than she ever had before, and it threatened to consume her heart and soul as she tore across the hallway, crashing through Christina's door.

Before the blonde woman could speak, Tessa exclaimed, "Your son is perfectly all right, Ms. Trueblood. Now if you will excuse me, I must retire to my room."

She whipped around and exited the room, storming down the hall and into her own bedroom, flinging herself onto her mattress with a cry of anguish. Jem would tell her that he did not care if she could not bear him a child, but that he only wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, no matter her circumstances. It did not change the dread and hatred that resonated in her stomach, though, and Tessa could not stop her tears as she sobbed into the sheets. She did not hear Jem enter the room until his fingers wrapped around her shoulder and tilted her over, pulling her into his arms.

"Why are you crying, Tessa?" Jem muttered into her ear, stroking her hair as she buried her face into the crook of his neck. She did not care about propriety, or what others may think if they were to walk into her room and discover her lying in Jem's arms on her bed. She only wanted to feel him against her.

Tessa took a stuttering breath before answering, "I saw you with Ms. Trueblood's baby. You were singing him a lullaby, and you looked so peaceful and happy just standing near that child. I could see the love in your eyes, though you had never met him before tonight. It just reminded me that—that I will never be able to give that to you. I am so sorry, James. I am so incredibly sorry."

"That is why you are sad?" Jem's surprise was evident in his tone, and he pulled back to place his slim hands on each side of her face. She knew what he would say before he even opened his mouth. "You know I could not care less about that. Tessa Gray, I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my life. I am beyond happy just knowing that you have agreed to marry me. It is true that I used to believe that perhaps someday I would have a family, but that was before I was poisoned. Tess, just marrying you will be enough to make me the happiest man on Earth for the rest of my days."

"Jem…" Tessa tangled her fingers into his nightshirt, ignoring the dark stain from her tears. "Would you not want a child if you could have one?"

For a long moment, he did not speak. She focused on the steady rise and fall of his chest as a few minutes passed, each one causing her blood to pound harder in her ears. "Yes," he finally admitted. "I suppose I would. I will not lie to you, Tessa. But, you must understand, as I have said before, that means nothing to me if I can still have you."

Tessa lifted her head and Jem ran his hand along her cheekbone, his thumb brushing under her left eye. She gasped when he caught a stray tear and kissed the side of her face, murmuring to her so quietly she could not make out the words. "I do not deserve you, James," she said, the backs of her eyes flashing with blue and black colors, and her mind imagining the night sky in Hell. Jem's touch quickly erased those thoughts from her conscience, and for that she was grateful. He could never know about her and Will, for then he would never believe that Tessa loved him at all. She knew him too well; he would think she had only agreed to marry him because he was dying and she felt pity on his behalf. That was anything but true, though she voiced none of her thoughts.

Jem, who must not have heard her earlier comment, paused and pulled back to lock his eyes with hers. "You look deep in thought," he noted, his fingers still lightly grazing her face. "Please assure me that you are not still thinking on your status as a warlock, Tessa. Remember, you are human to me, and you always will be." He smiled then, and Tessa recalled how the sun could not hold a candle to that smile, so beautiful and radiant that it was as if every light in the universe had come together to grace his face.

Tessa rested her head against his chest, listening to his slow heartbeat as she said, "That song you were singing to Ms. Trueblood's baby, would you mind singing it to me? I cannot sleep, James, and I wish to have you by my side tonight."

She felt Jem tense against her, but he relaxed just as soon and before she knew it, he had her in his lap and was lying back against the headboard of Tessa's bed, one arm tight around her waist and the other reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Would you like to hear the English version?" he asked, his breath tickling her face. "That way you will understand what I am saying."

"Yes," Tessa responded, already feeling her eyes droop with sudden exhaustion. "I love when you speak to me in Mandarin, but I want to know what you were saying to that boy."

"Whatever you want, Tessa Gray," he whispered, and then she closed her eyes to the sound of his voice, quiet and gentle and meant for her alone.

_"Come with me my darling little one, to where the ocean meets the sand, _

_and I will show you gracious wonders, so startling and grand._

_And when you cry at night, the stars high in the sky, _

_remember that wave of beauty, that taught us how to fly. _

_On the wings of our virtue and love, over the rippling waters low,_

_I hold you now my little one, your innocence is all I know. _

_So take my hand, my child, and do not fret for morn', _

_but recall that love is human, a kiss we shall not scorn."_

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**A/N: Well, what did you guys think? For those wondering, the lullaby Jem sings there at the end does not actually exist. I made it up. But I would love to add a tune to it someday and make it longer and into a full song. **

**Anyways, as some of you know about me by now, I live off reviews. They make me better and help me to improve. Even if it is just a small note, I would greatly appreciate it if you would type out a little something to me down there in that review box. Thank you guys so much for your thoughts and your time! I am now off to update Shadow Self! :)**_  
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